I've spent a whole lot of time since I've been at site praying for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I've serenely sat through long conversations that go on around me at the dinner table far faster than what I can comprehend. I've serenely lain in bed at night with the blanket over my head so I don't need to listen to the fly that bounces itself off the walls while I rest. I've serenely (mostly) ignored the staring and occasional pointing when I walk through town looking entirely out of place in a land of pointy high-heels and model-thin Moldovan girls. I've been so dead set on serenity, in fact, that I may well have been forgetting what else I've asked for-- courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I would like to think that this isn't because I didn't possess these two things from the get-go, but because I'd completely forgotten about them. So, today, I put on my most courageous face (well, it probably didn't look all that courageous, but it was a start) and ventured out to make changes.
See, upon arrival at my site, I had three English teaching partners at my school, one of several schools in the town (raion center) in which I live. I had a grand total of four planning sessions. Two were with a partner with whom I ultimately taught one days' lessons before she fell ill and spent a week in the hospital, leaving me as her substitute. One was highly unsuccessful and culminated in one of my potential partners declaring that she would absolutely not work with me, and she called my supervisor the next morning to wash her hands of me. One was with the partner I collaborated with during our practice school period in training, but it was nothing like our previous, highly successful planning. She explained to me that these students are not as good as those who voluntarily attend summer practice school English lessons and that she doesn't have as much time for planning as she had there, so to begin, I'd serve as a replacement for the cassette recordings the school can't afford that are supposed to accompany the textbooks.
That last planning session happened to be on the same day that the director and adjunct directors of the school called me into a meeting to inform me that while the English teacher who was requesting a volunteer at the school last year would surely have had more than enough time to work with me, she's since moved to America and been replaced by the woman who was first to rid herself of the responsibility of me, and the two teachers remaining for me to work with have too many obligations to their families to devote their time to planning for our team taught lessons with me. She suggested three options to me: I could alternate with the teachers, teaching every other lesson and doing away with the time-consuming team teaching that is the very reason Peace Corps Moldova places English Education Volunteers in schools; I could convince the woman who does not desire to teach with me at all to accommodate me so that I take up less of the other teachers' time; or perhaps I could just leave the school and find a place where the teachers wanted me. By the next morning I was too upset to bring myself to even show up (which had no impact on anyone, considering my role as nothing more than a pronouncer) and I've since been to the school only a couple of times, never having the chance again to partner teach.
I have, since then, been at home, making myself stir-crazy and my host mother mortified at the useless American in her spare bedroom. It has really not been pretty.
Today, though, the director of the PC Moldova English Education program made the hours-long journey from her home in the capital to my site to visit the school with me and find a solution. Yes, changes!
We spoke first with my original school, and they confirmed yet again that they simply haven't the means to work with a volunteer right now. They would like me to remain friendly with the school and to consider collaborating on other projects, but team teaching just isn't an option. So, we left there and ventured to another school in the raion center, which our program director had called before to ask if they may consider taking a volunteer. Our visit to that school was very pleasant, and I think I may have found myself a place to finally teach!
We're going to start out slow, with me just observing for the remainder of this week and possibly the beginning of next, so that I don't risk stepping on toes and don't give anyone the impression again that I'm too needy to work with. Because it's a smaller school (only younger grades, instead of the 1-12 spread of the last school) there won't be quite enough classes here for me to fulfill all of my minimum number of hours required by Peace Corps.
The first suggestion was that perhaps to make up these hours I could have an optional class period with a few classes, teaching them alone. As much as I hate to turn down an opportunity to be in a place where I have a whole classroom of students to myself to call my own, the younger grades are really difficult to teach alone since my Romanian is so limited and their English even more so. I haven't ruled it out entirely, because I hope to wait and see if maybe the oldest couple of classes are advanced enough for that to be possible.
Another suggestion was that I could continue to teach just a class or two at my original school placement, working with the woman who I co-taught with in practice school during training. That might make it easier to run extra-curricular activities that involve students from both schools, and I'm considering it, but if I'm a bit leery that I'll be the textbook narrator yet again, and I really don't think that's a valuable use of my time. Again, it's under consideration.
The third option, while least likely to be feasible logistically, sounds awfully appealing to me, so I've got my fingers crossed. Another volunteer in a nearby raion mentioned to me last time that we spoke that she knows a university professor of English there who would be very excited to collaborate with a native English speaker to teach together, and suggested that I ask whether it may be possible to work with that professor once a week. It would mean a bit of extra travel time (and money) every week, but because the teachers with whom I'll work here now have no Friday classes, it would be feasible in terms of my schedule, and I think it could be really rewarding. These would likely be individuals training to be English teachers. I think if I could involve them in some way in the activities I do at my school, or maybe if I could provide them some bit of background about American culture or English language that they may pass along to their future students, it would be really valuable.
So, that was that. I finally mustered up the wisdom to see there are things we can change, and now I've got options to choose from so I can move forward and start doing the rewarding, valuable, teaching things that I've been dying to get involved in since well before I boarded my plane to Moldova.
I suppose I've had that wisdom at my disposal all along. It's about time I put it to use!
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