Serenity, Courage, Wisdom, Friends (and Other Stuff Cassie Needs)

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray Thee, Lord, my soul to keep.
Guide me safely through the night,
And wake me with the morning light.


Call it habit, call it silly, call it what you want. For as long as I can remember, since it was the part of my routine that came after bathtime and a story and before Mom leaned over my bed for a hug and kiss goodnight, I've recited this prayer, sometimes another one or two, and then a pile of requests and (less often than I ought to) things I'm thankful for, then closed my eyes to fall asleep.

Routines are always a comfort, and when they're routines that directly involve God, I consider them extra great. Lately, though, there's been another addition to my routine. In this step, I wake up, lay in bed glaring at the clock until I absolutely do not have time to spare before I start getting myself ready for school, and before I head downstairs to wait my turn for the bathroom so I can wash my face and brush my teeth I beg God pray for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, with the occasional addition of "please help me fight the urge to throw things at my students" or "get me through today without crying, God, because my eyes are still puffy from 6th period yesterday."

For all this praying, though, it's funny how seldom I notice the results. Terrible, huh? I mean, it's not that I don't realize I'm getting along better here with every day, or that I'm becoming more patient with myself and the teachers around me than I ever imagined I would, it's just that I'm forgetting who I can be thanking for so very much of this.

When I consider all the great things God has given me, asking so little in return, I feel like taking these gifts for granted warrants a reminder from Him. I think he agrees. What we differ in opinion on, though, is the kind of reminder.

If I were God, I figure I'd remind me to be grateful for all I've got in a slap-on-the-wrist kind of way. Oh, you didn't really notice how I gave you the patience and good fortune to be able to calm a class of wiley second graders yesterday despite your partner's assumption that they'd eat you alive if she left the room-- today, I don't think the kids ought to take it so easy on you. Maybe one will break something. God's way is always better than mine, though. That works out majorly in my favor.

This morning, He saw me lay in bed until I had knowingly missed my ride, watched my throw myself together just enough to be (nearly) human, and then saw me half jog to school. He knew I first went down the road I expected to finally be cleared, found it totally piled with snow, and had to backtrack, so my attempt at a shortcut to school actually made the long way longer. He knew one of the kids called me out on oversleeping when I snuck into the room with my tail between my legs just after the first bell. He greeted me with a partner who called as I walked, concerned that I might not be feeling well and letting me know that since there were no materials needed that I'd be supplying, she could handle the lessons today without me if I needed a day off. The cause of her concern: she and I went out with her mother and two lovely daughter sled-riding all evening yesterday and exhausted ourselves in a tremendous snowball fight before heading for home.

Later, he heard me cuss under my breath at the computer when I found that the eight-page lesson plan my partner and I worked on for hours of our Sunday afternoon had become corrupt and couldn't open, knowing that it needs to be printed and turned in tomorrow for the school's English seminar, a very major production. He watched me scouring the Microsoft site for suggestions on what to do with corrupt files and He knew I was making myself crazy. He heard me thinking of what a waste of time it was to sit through an after school meeting in Russian (He knows I've never learned Russian), knew that I was on edge while I killed time with my partner's girls while she completed private tutoring, and He knew that I had absolutely no confidence that we'd ever retrieve the tremendous document.

But when I finally thought of Him in the midst of all this, and only for a moment really, just a quick "God, I need sleep tonight, please help?" He sent me a quick, easy suggestion from a fellow Volunteer in response to a desparate plea on Facebook. At ten o' clock on a Monday night, after a day of working (or at least being at work) or stressing since I'd crawled out of bed, with only two pages retyped and six to go, exhaustion setting in, coffee wearing off, eyes falling shut, fingers starting to stumble on the keyboard, I opened the file in the program that was suggested to me, and every last word was there, unscathed.

My host mom called looking for me, but she wasn't angry that I had forgotten to let her know where I was in all the chaos of the afternoon, just worried about whether I was safe and coming home soon.

I walked home through the park and found that someone finally shoveled a path through the snow the whole way through the park, which made the trip exponentially easier, especially in the dark.

I didn't encounter a single one of the yapping stray dogs who make me nervous in the evenings when they're protecting their territory.

I identified the owner of a gorgeous German Shepherd I've been seeing around the neighborhood lately, falling in love with, and hoping and praying is loved by someone, because he's just so friendly.

I got home with time enough to get a shower without depriving myself of adequate time both to write here and to get enough sleep to get me through tomorrow-- and the hot water didn't even run out.

I snuggled a bit with the cat, but it was warm enough outside that I didn't have to feel heart-broken for putting him out until morning.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference,
The friends who will offer me the help I need if only I remember to ask for it,
And the clarity to thank you for every last minute of it.

Maybe an adjustment to the prayer I've been reciting each morning would be just the reminder I need. After all, it's seeming a lot like God hears even my silliest, petty, little prayers. Stranger still, it seems that he answers them.


:-) Good night.