Sometimes we don't have a plan in mind at all, and life leads us some place completely wonderful and unexpected. Then there are some times that we think we know exactly what we're doing, where we're going, what we'll do, how, and for how long. Those don't always work how we expect them to either. I planned on 27 months, and at just about the 11 month mark, I medically separated. I planned on becoming super teacher, inspiring every student I met there, but it was tougher than that and there are probably only a handful who I had any major impact on. I thought I'd be around in one school for two years and instead ended up in two schools and for just one year.
I left Moldova thinking I'd be returning, and ultimately, because of a few factors, it turns out that it's best for me to stay here, at least for the time being. I'm sure I'll get that itch to wander off somewhere fun and exciting again down the line, and there's a good chance that I'll follow it where it leads and enjoy that adventure just as I enjoyed this one. For now, though, I need some time to satisfy my inner homebody-- that part of me who loves to cuddle into bed with my own kitty, eat breakfast with family, hang out in my pajamas all day on a Saturday if I feel so inclined. It's funny how novel those little luxuries seem after doing without for most of a year. It's funnier still how fantastic unlimited peanut butter, fresh green veggies, and the ability to jump in a car and drive are.
Ahh... windows cracked on a cool day, radio up, heat at the floor, rolling down the road in my loaner Ford Ranger. Yeah, you read that right. :-)
To answer some of the questions I've heard most, I am home long term. For all intents and purposes, I'm officially a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer. That means I'm finished up. I could decide to reapply someday way down the line and head somewhere else, and who knows? It could happen.
My health is in much better shape than it was when I left, and for the sake of my well-being, I do think being back stateside has been a step in the right direction.
Yes, I'm happy to be home. Yes, I'm sad to have left. It's a totally bittersweet experience. If I'd acted fast enough, I would likely have had the choice to return to country. I don't think returning would have been a bad option or a perfect one, and I don't think being home is perfect or that it's awful. One way or the other, there were pros and cons, so I did the best I could to make the decision that would be best for me for the time being, because if I fail to take care of myself, I'm not good to anybody else anyhow. One minute, I'm on cloud nine here, loving being close to my family, and another I think of my host family and I'm a weepy, sappy, tearful mess.
Good-byes are never easy, and maybe unanticipated, long-distance, Skype-transmitted good-byes are tougher than many Volunteers' goodbyes that come after 27 months. Maybe they'ree not, but I do know they're more difficult than I expected them to be. Endings are always a little sad, and there are plenty of things I'll miss and that I wish I wasn't parting with.
I'll miss flowerly, bright, fresh-producey Moldovan summer, and I'll miss my host family who have been so supportive and helpful through this difficult process. I'm going to miss the cat waking me in the mornings my crawling up on my face with muddy toes. I'll probably miss long toasts in Russian over shots of vodka so strong it makes your toes curl. I won't miss the vodka itself-- sorry Moldovan booze, you're just not my type. I'm sure I'll miss having Costel distract me from trying to do work by balancing the host cat on a frisbee (AKA alien abduction vessel) or asking for help with his English homework. I'll miss staying up late planning with my partner teacher and hugging her darling daughters goodnight before a moonlit walk home. I'll miss watching our chickens, and I'll miss the old woman next door bringing us fresh milk to make hot cocoa and homemade dumplings filled with everything imaginable.
It's not all bad news though. Turns out, all the things I missed while I was away are every bit as good as I remembered them.
I've got a driver's license again. That's meant weeks with Mom and Abby, weekends at Dad's. It's meant amusement park, canoeing trip, bicycling through the woods. This weekend it meant a trip to the Farmer's Inn and then to Clarion University for a big surprise, a little productivity, and mostly just for enjoying the company of a whole bunch of people I adore and have missed an awful lot. It's been lovelier than lovely.
While I expected to be taking the time I have here to figure out whether and how to get back to Moldova in the best way possible, it turns out the decision is out of my hands, and I'm home now. That was tough to swallow at first, but really, it's nice to have the weight of one less decision on my shoulders. Now instead of looking back and deciding if I'm going back, I just get to focus on moving forward. Today was resume polishing, the next week or two will probably be summer job hunt, followed by maybe an apartment hunt if I won't be right in Kersey to do whatever work I'll do. (I thought I could talk myself into a summer off work, but I'm already a bit restless.) Next will be a hunt for a car of my own, because as much as I love the little pickup, it's not going to be a safe winter vehicle when the snow falls.
After that comes the part I've been anticipating longest of all. I'm finally starting to apply for full-time positions in an American elementary school as a classroom teacher. It may be a windy kind of path that starts out with substituting jobs or some other unexpected twist, but I figure whatever gets me moving in the right direction, I'll just roll with. I get better every day at this whole que sera sera viewpoint. I plan on continuing to plan, then I plan on continuing to follow them wherever they lead me. Maybe they'll lead where I thought they would, and maybe they won't, but I'm confident they'll lead me exactly to where I ought to be.
I figure I'll keep this blog up and alive, and if I think of good Moldova stories to share as time goes on, I may as well share them. When I get caught up at least a bit on the to-do list of mine that is once again growing faster than I am managing to knock it out, I may even try the blog thing again, just in case I happen to do anything exciting again. If I do, I'll link to it from here.
I suppose that's all I've got for now. Thanks to everyone who's been keeping me in your thoughts and who has kept up with my writing and shared an interest in my experiences. The support and encouragement of my family, friends, neighbors, and loved ones means so much to me. I look forward to keeping in touch with anyone who happens to keep on reading, and letting you know what adventure I'll embark on next, whether it's close to home or sends me wandering again.
